so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
