Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize