It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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