im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My underwear smells like fireworks.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
