babies were throwing up all over the place
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
