I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you inspire me to be a worse person
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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