Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
