Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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