I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize