At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
