dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
