i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
