my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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