even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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