I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
