remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
