i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
