She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
