so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
