You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
