So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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