highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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