You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
