I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
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Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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