i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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