Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
