Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My pussy is not your playground.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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