and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
