Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
