sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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