he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
