Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
