Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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