I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I want a musical about memes.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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