I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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