That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
