.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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