Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize