I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Is it because I queefed?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
