This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
