Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
