apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
