So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
