I wanna passion pit in your ass
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
