you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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