My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
