were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
