My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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