Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
