I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
