I want to have your abortion
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
