Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
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I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
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Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
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