Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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