You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
