my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
