I didn't shave. On purpose
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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