Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize