Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
