Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
