I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
